One of the most significant steps you can take in your personal development is to stop playing the victim role. Stop blaming others for everything that happens to you. By taking this step, you take responsibility and control over your life. This is a step from reactive to proactive thinking and acting. This is also the step towards conscious living: a real leap in your development.
Blaming someone or something, we do it all. Something happens, and it is someone else’s fault, not ours. We have a fight and, of course, they were the cause, not us. We are right; they are not. Why do not they see it as I see it? We want to buy an LCD TV, and we blame the credit card company for reaching our limit. We blame our boss, partner, our parents, the government; never to ourselves. Our misery is always the fault of someone else.
People are trained and conditioned to blame someone else. It is easy to do; it is easy to play the victim. In this way we do not have to take responsibility: it is the other person’s fault. They do it to us. For some of us, this is the way we live; day in day out. A life full of fear and stress.
When we blame others, we put our happiness in the hands of the other. In other words, our happiness depends on them. You are not the director of your life, they are. If someone is your service, you are happy. If someone disappoints you, you blame them and your happiness disappears like snow in the sun. Consider the following situations where you have accused others or given control of your life. Are they recognizable?
Your partner. “I can only be happy if he or she does what I want.” Do you blame him/her for how they treat you or does your partner not listen to you? Maybe you tried to change your partner and did not work?
Your parents. Do you blame them for how they treated you? For your upbringing? Did they love your sister more than yours?
The government. Are they the fault of your current economic situation? Do you not come forward in life? Do you blame them for being unemployed? Are you disappointed in the person you voted for during the last election?
Your job. Have you not received a promotion and are you blaming your boss for this? And what about your colleagues? Do you enjoy yourself at work?
Get out of the victim role and take responsibility.
Perhaps the time has come for change; to stop blaming others and take control of your life. Show more compassion. Are you sure you know everything about the situation? Perhaps there is a reason why people act as they do? Maybe they do not know better? Perhaps you are wrong, and they are right? Maybe you both have the right end?
Remember that you always have a choice if you do not agree with the current situation. As I see it, there are three options:
- Change the situation if you can
- Do something else if you can not change it
- Accept the situation for what it is, if there is no alternative or serves a higher purpose
The fourth option, accusing and suffering, repeating the situation in your mind, time after time, is not right for you. It is the cause of stress and even depression. This costs a lot of energy. You live now, not in the past. You can not change what is already happening. Be the director of your own life. Take responsibility. You are in control. Give yourself the authority to live consciously. Your happiness is your job, not someone else’s. You always have a choice.
People can hurt each other, unfortunately. This is sometimes very intense and can leave deep wounds that need to heal. If this is the case, you may need to seek help from a professional who knows how to deal with traumatic situations and events in your life.